obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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