My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
