anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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