I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
