She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
