Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
