I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
