I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
