I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
