Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
