Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
