I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
