My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
