that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
