someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
