do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
