Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
