if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
