Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
