oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
