I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
