So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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