You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
