apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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