yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
