youre lurking in front of me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
