My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if only i could text you this smell
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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