Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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