Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
