I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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