Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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