I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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