office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
