The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
