I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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