the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
