He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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