I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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