Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
