i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
