You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
