its not stalking. its research.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
