first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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