Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I looked at my own cervix.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
