Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
