so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Who wears a wallet chain?!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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