he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
