she was so not down for the gang bang
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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