"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
