Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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