My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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