put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
